


Dag's Crown Jewels

by TheSpasticFantastic



Category: Frozen - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, shardsverse AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:02:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpasticFantastic/pseuds/TheSpasticFantastic
Summary: Dag lets Jenny talk him into heisting the Crown Jewels for the evening.
Relationships: Dag/Eira, Elsa/Alarik
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Dag's Crown Jewels

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This takes place in the AU of the Shardsverse AU where Frozen 2 doesn’t exist. Elsa is still on the throne. The blame for this is entirely on @couragedontdesertme for her very specific request. I mean, she blames me, but really . . . Many thanks to @fericita-s for gamely beta reading this. And, of course, @patricia-von-arundel for creating the characters of Jenny, Dag and Alarik. Rated T+ for the implications.

The Crown Heist had been Jenny’s idea.

They had been drinking together. Which had been Jenny’s idea too. 

Eira had been at some event in town with her friends and Dag had finished his duties early. Mother told him that the representative from England had taken ill so she was going to retire early, if he didn’t mind eating alone with his sister. Dag assured her that it was fine, she should get her rest, and joined Jenny for a warm meal of fiskboller, carrots and boiled potatoes. He teased her that she ate like a dock worker and she laughed, picked up the bottle of akvavit and said she might as well drink like one too with the day she’d had. She poured him a generous glass, pushed it towards him, and then drank from the bottle as he made a sound of disgust.

Social norms had never stopped his sister.

But it was a pleasant evening and meal so he had gamely taken a sip, assuming that the heavy meal would help to offset his lack of tolerance. It had not. And that first poor decision had led to another as he let Jenny top him off again and then they were laughing and talking and drinking so freely that somehow the conversation led to his sister saying:

“The castle has more balls than you!”

“It – it does not!” He wagged his finger at her. “An’ you’re one t’talk. I have a wife! And-and she loves me. Lots!”

“Right, I know!” Jenny grinned conspiratorially and leaned forward on her elbows. “So, don’t you, you know, want to do something special for her? Something she’ll never forget?”

“I don’t – how is wearing the Crown special?” Dag squawked. “She doesn’t care about that sort of thing!”

“It’s the – the novelty of it, Dag!”

“How would you know?!”

“I hear things.” She said meaningfully. “Lots of things. From the guards. And they wonder about it. So I bet Eira does too.” Jenny raised an eyebrow. “It’s the forbidden fruit thing. The Crown Jewels.”

“Jenny.” Dag tried to shake his head, but the room began to spin. He braced his chin in his hand at looked at her. “That makes no sense.”

“You should let Eira decide that!” She stood and pounded her fist against the table. “This is a great idea! Come on!”

“Wait, what?” He said, staggering to his feet and clumsily following Jenny as she walked swiftly towards the door. He managed to keep up with her as she swept through the empty halls and into the throne room. The Crown of Arendelle was kept in a small, locked office next to it. There was a guard posted there during the day, when the people of Arendelle were relatively free to come and go as they pleased, but late at night with the doors locked and the gate guarded, there were only a handful of guards that roamed the castle.

“Jenny, we don’t have the key!” He whispered.

“Of course I have the key!” She said, not bothering to lower her voice. Dag winced. Hopefully the night guards were elsewhere in their rounds. She pulled out a ring of keys. “I’ve got all the keys!” She gave him a look. “Besides, don’t you know how to pick the locks in your own castle?”

“Um, no?” He was bewildered. She sighed and slipped one off the ring.

“It’s this one.” She unlocked the door and stepped inside. Dag swallowed hard and followed her. It wasn’t that the Crown Jewels held any particular mystique for him. He had seen his mother wear them before on formal state occasions and had even posed for several portraits wearing one of the smaller crowns throughout his youth. He could even recall her letting him try on the Crown as a little boy and laughing gently as it slid over his ears.

“Jenny.” He swallowed hard. “We really shouldn’t be in here . . .”

“What are you talking about? This is our home! These are going to all be yours one day. It’s not like you’re stealing it. You’re just borrowing it. Airing it out a little.” She picked it up and examined it with a grin before placing it on her head and winking at him. “Making sure it’s holding up well and doesn’t need to be reset any time soon.” She took it off and handed it over to him. He blinked at it. It was sparkly. It certainly looked impressive. Maybe Eira would think it was funny . . .

“I guess if it’s back in the morning . . .”

“That’s the spirit, Dag!” She handed him the key. “Here. So you can put it back before anyone notices.” She clapped him on the shoulder and wandered off. “Lock up, won’t you?” He stared at the crown for a few moments as Jenny’s footsteps receded, struggling with himself. This was stupid. Of course, Eira would think it was stupid too. She would. Wouldn’t she? Yes. Right? Maybe Jenny had a point. One of his friends had made a joke about wearing a crown to bed before when he’d been in his cups. Was it something people thought about? He sighed and staggered towards the door.

He wasn’t stealing it. He wasn’t. It’d be back in the morning. Worst case scenario – he and his wife would have a good laugh. Still. It would be embarrassing to have to explain it all to one of the guards, so he hurried back to his bed chamber as quietly as he could, peering furtively around the corners as he went.

He was waiting when Eira returned a short time later. She stopped at the sight of him, her hand still on the door handle, laughing in delight. He maintained his hopeful grin as she shut the door behind her.

“Good evening, Princess.”

“Well this is a surprise.” She said as she slowly approached him with a sly, growing smile, her eyes running over him with that hungry look he loved so much. Jenny had been right. This had been a great idea.

Dag woke as the early morning sun shone directly on his face. He gave a soft groan, his head aching. Eira was curled comfortably against his side and he rubbed her back gently before cautiously opening his eyes to the morning’s glare. His gaze fell on the Crown of Arendelle sitting on his nightstand and he startled awake.

“Mmph?” Eira raised her head sleepily.

“Go back to bed!” He whispered. “I need to put this back.”

“M’kay,” she yawned and burrowed beneath the covers. He quickly pulled on a pair of pajama trousers and a dressing robe. He grabbed the crown and ran as silently as he could down the hall, ducking into empty rooms whenever he heard members of the staff approaching. Through some miracle, he made it to the throne room undetected, didn’t quite fumble the key in the lock, and placed the crown back on its pedestal. He walked quickly back to his room, greeting the staff members and guards with a mumbled ‘good morning’ and a blush at his casual state of dress.

Eira had fallen back asleep by the time he returned, but Dag’s stomach growled and he felt off, so he washed and dressed and headed to breakfast. He found his parents already at the table, his father buried in a newspaper and his mother reviewing some formal looking document. They smiled as he sat down.

“Good morning, Dag.” Father said as he rustled the paper. “Heard you were out and about in your night clothes this morning.” Dag froze, a forkful of egg halfway to his mouth. He looked wildly from his father to his mother. She smiled mildly at him. They knew.

“I’m sorry!” He blurted. “It was Jenny’s idea!” They exchanged a confused glance and Dag immediately realized his mistake.

“Going around in your night clothes was Jenny’s idea?”

“Dag.” Dammit. Whenever his mother used that calm, pointed tone, it made him feel like a disobedient child again. He was going to break. This is why he should have ignored his sister last night. “Is there something you need to tell us?”

He flushed and stared at the table. Hands in his lap. He could feel the tips of his ears burning. “I borrowed the Crown Jewels.” He mumbled.

“I’m sorry, you what?” His father laughed.

“I borrowed the Crown Jewels.” There was a moment of silence. “I already put them back,” he said a bit defensively.

“Why?”

“I . . .wanted to impress Eira.”

“Impress Eira? But – oh.” His father’s eyes went wide. “Um. Well. I’ll be in the lab if anyone needs me. Important, um, experiments to run.” He grabbed his paper and quickly walked away. Dag couldn’t look his mother in the eye, although he could hear the faint drumming of her fingers against the table.

“Well, Dag,” mother finally sighed. “While I hope you won’t borrow them again, I can’t say that I’m surprised.” He thought her tone was deceptively light. “You’ve been married a few months. Frankly, I’m surprised it took you this long.”

“What!?” He squawked, gaping at his mother in horror.

“Don’t look so shocked.” She wore a faint smile. “Really, ‘borrowing’ the crown at some point is a family tradition.” She gave a small shrug and turned back to her papers. “It goes back generations.”

“Mama!” He gasped, rigid with the terror of her implication. “I could have gone my entire life without knowing that!”

“Yes, well, I could have gone my whole life without knowing that my only son, my baby boy, had defiled the crown I’m still required to wear and yet here we are,” she replied mildly. Reeling, Dag pushed himself away from the table and staggered out of the room. He went to his office and tried to lose himself in work, but was unable to focus. His mother’s words kept ringing in his ears. Finally, he gave up and went to find Eira. She was breakfasting in the sun room and gave him a bright smile as he entered.

“Last night was fun.”

“Was it?” He said morosely as he dropped into the seat across from her.

“I thought so.” She frowned. “Something wrong? Are you feeling alright?”

“No. I’m sorry. And no.” He held his head in his hands. “I told my mother I, you know, borrowed the crown.”

“Oh, Dag,” Eira said fondly. “I’m sure she’s not that mad at you.”

“No, it’s worse. She – she told me that it’s a family ‘tradition’ to borrow it.”

Eira began to laugh. “Of course it is!”

“I mean to have sex in it!”

“Right. It makes sense. Who wouldn’t?” She reached out to pat his shoulder. “Oh, Dag. My friends have asked about it.” He closed his eyes and groaned as she laughed again. “Do you honestly think your aunt and uncle haven’t?”

“Gah!”

“They’ve probably done it a few times.” She clucked her tongue thoughtfully. “Probably on the throne too.”

“Oh God, I don’t want to hear this!”

“Don’t want to hear what?” He looked up at Jenny’s voice. He scowled. She didn’t even look hungover.

“You! This is your fault!”

“What? Last night?” She looked at Eira. “You’re not mad, right?”

“No. He’s upset because when he told your mother-“

“You told mother? Why would you tell her?”

“Jenny, you don’t understand. The crown? The crown you touched with your bare hands – that crown has seen things.” Jenny paled.

“Dag, what do you mean?”

“He means they also had sex in it.” Eira giggled.

“What?” She gaped.

“How is this surprising to you two?” Eira laughed and shook her head. “God, you’re both so innocent.”

“Dag, tell me it’s not true!” Jenny grabbed him by the collar. “Look me in the eyes and tell me it’s not true!”

He stared at her in silence, watching the dawning horror of her expression grow as his wife laughed and laughed.


End file.
